Missing Work

“Armstrong,” the boss said, “I happen to know that the reason you didn’t come to work yesterday was that you were out playing golf.”

“That’s a rotten lie!” Armstrong protested. “And I have the fish to prove it!”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Secret Formula

The police recently arrested a man selling “secret formula” tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was
the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983….

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Groaner: The Merger

Mary owned and operated a small nursery that was renowned for its magnificent chrysanthemums.

Her neighbor Jack had a small kennel, where he raised purebred dalmatians.

They merged in the hope that they could combine the two and grow it into an online sales .com.

Unfortunately, the flower business wilted and the market for dalmatians was spotty, so it remained a small “mum and pup” operation.

(By Ken Pinkham)

Received from Stan Kegel.
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3 Iron

Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a par 3 which measures 235 yards. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and
smashes the ball 20 feet over the pin and backs it up to within 3 feet of the hole.

A fan in the crowd came up to him and said, “Mr. Palmer, how do you make the ball back up like that with a 3 iron?”

Arnold replied, “Do you have a 3 iron?”

The fan said, “Yes sir, I do.”

“How far do you hit it?”

“About 160 yards,” came the answer.

Arnold calmly said, “What the heck do you want it to back up for?”

Received from Clean Laffs.
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Silly Jokes 2

Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.

Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

I own the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it’s awful.

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.

I’ve just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I’m not fat. I’m just not on the right planet.

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.

My clock just went back 4 seconds… I guess it was still hungry.

I knew a guy named Roger… He was huge, about 10-4.

Received from like_a_boss.
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Groaner: Socks

The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. “You say you’re here,” he inquired, “because your family is worried about your taste in
socks?”

“That’s correct,” muttered the patient. “I like wool socks.”

“But that’s perfectly normal,” replied the doctor. “Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool
socks.”

“You DO?” exclaimed the man. “With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?”

Received from Stan Kegel.
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Silly Jokes 1

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

What sound does a witches car make? Broom Broom

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.

I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

A fire hydrant has H-2-O on the inside and K-9-P on the outside.

Received from like_a_boss.
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Glaciers

Yellowstone tourist: “Look at all those big rocks! Wherever did they come from?”

Yellowstone guide: “The glaciers brought them down.”

Tourist (cluelessly): “But where are the glaciers?”

Guide (wearily): “The glaciers … have gone back for more rocks.”

Received from Steve Sanderson.
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Languages

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.

“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.

“Parlare Italiano?” No response.

“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign
language.”

“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Cat Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.

I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.

I pray I’ll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!

Received from Doc’s Daily Chuckle.
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Two Words

First grade teacher: “There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is ‘gross’ and the other is ‘cool.'”

Rachel: “Yeah? So, what are the words?”

Received from Steve Sanderson.
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Fortune Teller

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat
down.

“Ah…..” said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. “I see you are the father of two children.”

“That’s what you think,” the man laughed. “I’m the father of THREE children.”

The woman grinned and said, “That’s what YOU think!”

Received from Clean Laffs.
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Memory Clinic

Two middle-aged couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last
month?”

“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, like visualization, association, and so on. It was great. I
haven’t had a problem since.”

“Sounds like something I could use. What was the name of the clinic?”

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember.

Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s it!”

He turned to his wife, “Hey Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?”

Received from Mikey’s Funnies.
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5 Famous Love Stories From History That Were Weird As Hell

By Sarah Philip,Christian Markle  Published: September 23rd, 2019 


Cracked: All Posts

Expert Witness

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that
its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.

“Will you state your name?” asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted
head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.

Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The
glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.

“Well, doctor,” continued the district attorney without changing expression, “we could start with an easier question.”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Trip to the Morgue

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his very young mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,” says the
Coroner.

“Second body: “Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?”

“Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Alabama, 30, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.

“Thought he was having his picture taken.”

Received from Steven C. Sanderson.
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Two Cows

Two cows were looking over a gate. One said to the other, “What do you think about this mad cow disease?”

The other cow looked over and replied, “Why should I care? I’m a helicopter.”

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
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Cold Coffee

Before the cup of coffee even touched the table, my brother told the waitress, “Take it back. It’s cold.”

The waitress poured him another cup and returned a minute later, only to be told once again, “Take it back. It’s cold.”

The third cup, however, he accepted, which prompted the waitress to ask, “How did you know the first two cups were cold without sipping them?”

My brother said, “Because with the first two, your thumb was in the coffee.”

Received from Ray Grambihler, Reader’s Digest.
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English Class

TEACHER: Jean, what does trickle mean?

JEAN: To run slowly.

TEACHER: good. Annie, what does anecdote mean?

ANNIE: It’s a short, funny tale.

TEACHER: Well done. Now, Rita, give me a sentence with both of these words in it.

RITA: Our dog trickled down the street wagging her anecdote.

The Good, Clean Funnies List

5 Completely Unreasonable Ways Movie Characters Spend Money

By Mark Hofmeyer  Published: September 14th, 2019 


Cracked: All Posts

Flying Is Like Driving

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light.
Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Pushing a Car

As I pulled into the gas station, I noticed a woman trying to push her car toward the pump. Having always considered myself a Good Samaritan, I parked
and joined her in pushing her car.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m giving you a hand,” I said. “What are you doing?”

“I’m stretching before my run.”

Received from Jim Shaw, Reader’s Digest.
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Science and Logic

An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Neils Bohr, in Copenhagen, and was amazed to find a
horseshoe was nailed to the wall over his desk.

The American said with a nervous laugh, “Surely you don’t believe that horseshoe will bring you good luck, do you, Professor Bohr?”

Bohr chuckled. “I believe no such thing, my good friend. Not at all. I am scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense. However, I am told that
a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not! How can one argue with such logic?”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Episode 658 Scott Adams: Oops, I’m Late. Coffee Time!

Content: 

  • Science believers” believe in BOTH…
    • …nuclear energy SCIENCE and climate SCIENCE
  • SAFE Gen 3 & Gen 4 nuclear energy systems
    • China and Russia developing SAFE nuclear systems
    • If America does NOT pursue SAFE nuclear energy… …not good
  • Cory Booker and Andrew Yang are both pro-nuclear energy…
    • What they understand that other Dems do not
    • Coincidence that the two highest IQ Dems support it?

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 658 Scott Adams: Oops, I’m Late. Coffee Time! appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


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Pastor Reads Note

Before beginning the service, our pastor read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. “It says here that I should announce that there will be
no BS tomorrow morning,” he said.

He tucked the piece of paper into a pocket and added, “I’m hoping they mean ‘Bible Study’.”

Received from Barbara Geerts, Reader’s Digest.
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Episode 657 Scott Adams: Hey, I’m Late, Grab Coffee

Content: 

  • Trump Admins relaxation of environmental laws…
    • …if that’s bad, why aren’t we seeing any problems?
  • Pro negotiator insights and dealing with Taliban leaders
    • Afghanistan pullout is dangerous, why do it?
    • Human pullout…will DRONE WARFARE replace them?
  • An AI health system that will provide better care than live doctors
  • CNN’s McCabe did a good gun control article
    • His points are well informed, practical, solutions
  • Mark Sanford has nothing…just shut up

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 657 Scott Adams: Hey, I’m Late, Grab Coffee appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


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Episode 656 Scott Adams: All the Crazy People on Twitter Today, Hong Kong, Science

Content: 

  • Twitter says I’m a “Soros puppet” working with Bill Pulte…
    • …as Bill gives away his money to various people in need
    • Q crowd is outraged and full of suspicion
  • Kamala’s: “well said, well said” in response to cruel statement
  • HK protesters attempting to pull the US into their fight, should we?
  • Accidental discovery, epigenetic clock…it made people YOUNGER
    • IMMORTALITY…here we come!!!
  • “Quantum radar” has potential to render stealth aircraft detectable
  • Bill Gates concept of seeding the atmosphere to combat climate change
    • Hurricane prevention is another potential benefit
  • My weird medical symptoms and their surprising common source
    • Loss of hearing, loss of smell, allergy issues…but only 1 nostril
  • Andrew Yang: Victim of media conspiracy to delete him?
  • CNN’s love letter to Kamala Harris
  • #ChinaDecoupling as a national security interest
    • Lack of honor makes China an unreliable trade partner

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 656 Scott Adams: All the Crazy People on Twitter Today, Hong Kong, Science appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 655 Scott Adams: #Decoupling, Rehab, Food and Healthcare, More Fun Than it Sounds

Content: 

  • China COULD stop sending Fentanyl to America…
    • …but they choose to continue
  • A “credit score” for China and other trading partner countries?
  • Bill Maher’s comments on people eating themselves to death
  • Successful rehab numbers are pretty low
  • Can DNA predict who has drug addict potential?
  • Bill Pulte’s internet philanthropy
  • Q followers suspicious, researching Bill’s motivations
  • Anybody have suggestions for a different, better method?

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

 

The post Episode 655 Scott Adams: #Decoupling, Rehab, Food and Healthcare, More Fun Than it Sounds appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


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Parent Tweets

Are you a parent? Then you’ll understand these tweets:

– My 14-year-old made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day. So I changed the Wi-Fi password.

– My kids wanted to know what it’s like to be a mom, so I woke them up at 2 a.m. to let them know my sock came off.

– Daughter: You’re invading my personal space. Mother: You came out of my personal space

– Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.

Received from Reader’s Digest.
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Episode 654 Scott Adams: The Most Eclectic and Interesting Content of All Time


Content: 

  • Bill Pulte’s internet philanthropy under attack by suspicious critics
  • Do you believe that “all major policies are racist”?
  • The DEVASTATING HORROR that is “Sharpiegate”
    • …and its possible hilarious origin
  • The MATH of evolution skeptics
  • Whiteboard: Rebuilding storm impacted areas
    • Why not build entirely NEW cities with SAFE nuclear power?
    • Commerce zones with FREE or very cheap SAFE power

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 654 Scott Adams: The Most Eclectic and Interesting Content of All Time appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


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Severe Thunderstorm

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a
minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, “Reverend, you’re a man of God. Can’t you do something about this storm?”

To which he replied, “Lady, I’m in sales, not management.”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Episode 653 Scott Adams: Climate Change Debate Winners and Losers, Hong Kong

Content: 

  • One-half of a percent of military budget diverted to build the wall
  • Thoughts on each candidate’s performance and policies
    • Projecting a leadership image, policies and appearance
    • Only what the media decides to promote, matters
  • Science believers…believe scientist climate change reports
  • Science believers…do NOT believe scientists on SAFE nuclear power?
  • Our Space Force will require nuclear power development
    • Do anti-nuclear Presidential candidates know that?

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 653 Scott Adams: Climate Change Debate Winners and Losers, Hong Kong appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


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Wi-Fi Password

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”

Received from Sharon McGinley, Reader’s Digest.
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Episode 652 Scott Adams: Bad Gun Control Arguments and Hollywood Blacklisting

Content: 

  • Hollywood rejects “blacklisting” people…they remember the horror
    • Eric McCormick’s weasel-out tweet
    • Whoopi is opposed to blacklisting and destroying lives
  • Why are BOTH sides of the gun control issues…talking nonsense?
    • Bad arguments list and analysis
  • Will FEWER guns, or MORE guns, lower gun deaths?
    • The point is that BOTH options can be tested small

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 652 Scott Adams: Bad Gun Control Arguments and Hollywood Blacklisting appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


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5 Weird Movie Questions You Didn’t Know Had Answers

By E. Reid Ross,Tara Marie,Jordan Breeding,Markos Hasiotis  Published: September 03rd, 2019 


Cracked: All Posts

Umpire Humor

Q: What do umpires and girls have in common?
A: They both make a lot of calls.

Q: What’s the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder?
A: One catches drops; the other drops catches.

Q: Why did the umpire penalize the chicken?
A: For using fowl language.

Q: What’s the difference between an umpire and a pickpocket?
A: One watches steals; the other steals watches.

Q: What do tough teachers and umpires have in common?
A: They penalize you for errors.

Received from Doc’s Daily Chuckle.
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The Dumbest Arguments about Gun Control

People routinely have different priorities and different information, so it is no surprise we also have different opinions on what to do about gun violence in this country. As a public service, I will separate out the good arguments from the dumb ones. Reasonable people who have different priorities can still debate the stronger arguments, so there’s no point in anyone wasting time on dumb arguments. I’ll show you the dumbest arguments on both sides. Maybe we can collectively stop using them.

Look how optimistic I am!

Other Countries Argument

The Other Countries argument suggests that because tight gun control works in other countries, we should expect it would work in the United States. That is an irrational argument because the United States is different from every other country in more ways than I can list. At most, the Other Countries argument suggests gun control isn’t guaranteed to be a disaster. But that is different from saying it is likely such laws would turn out well in the United States. We simply can’t know that the experience of other countries would translate to our situation.

Nor does it matter.

The Americans who want to maintain gun rights to protect against potential tyranny from our own government are specifically worried about future events. We can’t look at the history of Denmark (for example) to know anything about the future of the United States. Nor would it matter if we could somehow magically calculate the risk of tyranny springing up in Denmark versus it happening in the United States, because any risk above zero would be enough to justify gun ownership.

The more rational approach than looking at other countries would involve trying some changes in the law in a few states or cities in this country and tracking how much difference it makes compared to states or cities that are comparable.

No match for a standing army

Gun control advocates often like to point out that private gun owners in this country would never be a match for a standing army, should we ever get to the point of some sort of dictator situation in which the military is turned on the public. But that isn’t the right question. The right question is whether the guns in this country would be sufficient to handle assassinations, kidnapping of family members of both the military and the rogue government, and economic disruption in general. For those tasks, citizens are already sufficiently armed.

Slippery slope

Slippery slope arguments are magical thinking. Everything in this world changes until it has a reason to stop. There is nothing special about being “on a slippery slope.” It is an empty idea. Society regulates all manner of products and activities, but we don’t worry about those other regulations becoming a slippery slope. We observe that change stops when the majority (or vocal minority) decide enough is enough. To put it another way, mowing the lawn does not lead to shaving your dog.

It’s in the Constitution

Gun advocates like to remind us that gun ownership is a protected right that is in the Constitution, end of story. But that ignores the fact that the Constitution was written to be updated. The process for changing the Constitution is well understood, and difficult by design, so it doesn’t happen often. But we can change the Constitution, and in the past we have. “It’s a Constitutional right” is a meaningless thing to say because we voters decide what is in and out of the Constitution. On top of that, we can, and do, create laws that constrict gun ownership all the time. Apparently the Supreme Court agrees that’s allowed.

The Constitution refers to militias, not ordinary gun ownership

I’m no Constitutional scholar, but in all likelihood neither are you. But I do know it doesn’t matter how you and I interpret the Constitution, because the Supreme Court apparently thinks private gun ownership is a right, and that doesn’t look likely to change any time soon. While I understand how people can be on both sides of the militia interpretation, I reserve the right to not listen to your blabber until you are on the Supreme Court. My opinion on what is or is not Constitutional doesn’t count. Neither does yours. So let’s take this argument off the table because we are not on the Supreme Court.

People will just use other tools to kill

This argument assumes adding friction to a process had no impact. But in the real world, adding friction to just about anything changes behavior. Extra friction might not eliminate a behavior you want to curtail, but it generally has an impact. As evidence of my point, we don’t see fully automatic weapons being used in mass shootings despite the fact they would be the best weapon for the job. They don’t overheat, for example. You can buy a fully automatic weapon in the United States, but they are super expensive and raise some flags in the system if you try. That bit of friction (price and visibility) made them effectively disappear from crime scenes. Friction works.

Friction almost always changes behavior. We’d need to do some testing to see how any particular gun law changes the variables in play, but most of human experience suggests friction — of any kind — will change behavior a bit. It is rational to say we don’t know how much impact any particular law will have. It is not rational to say we shouldn’t test some changes locally and see what happens.

Criminals can always get guns

Criminals can always get guns if they try hard enough. But I’m more concerned about the 18-year old who has no criminal record but does have some mental illness. That kid is not as resourceful as career criminals. If that kid can’t get a firearm through the normal and legal process, the friction can be enough to reduce the odds of getting one illegally.

Gun deaths are not that high

About half of gun deaths are suicides. Lots of other gun deaths involve criminals shooting each other. If you subtract out those deaths, the number of gun deaths is low compared to other risks we routinely accept, such as the risk of auto accidents, overeating, sports, etc. If the current amount of gun violence seems worth the price to you, that would be a rational point of view. But it would not be rational to avoid testing some methods to reduce gun violence even further. Americans don’t stop trying to fix a problem just because only 10,000 people per year are dying from it. That’s still a lot. And if we can test new approaches in one city or state, why not?

I might update the list of bad arguments as I see new ones.

Update:

You are ignoring the lives saved by guns

No, I’m not. I’m looking at the net deaths by guns, which is what matters. If a new law improves the net death rate, that’s good enough, unless it causes some other problem.

Testing in one state won’t work because people can just drive across the border to get guns

We might also need to restrict in-person gun purchases to residents of the state. That’s a simple Federal change, for example.

But even without that limitation, we can often tell where guns came from, at least for perps who are caught. We would soon know if the state line issue made all the difference, some difference, or no difference in gun deaths. Because all friction works (to some degree), one would expect that making people drive to another state changes behavior. We would also expect to see the least reduction in gun deaths from residents who live nearest other state borders. This is all testable and measurable.

Chicago has tight gun laws and also high gun violence

The intended point is that tighter gun restrictions do not reduce gun violence, because it isn’t working in Chicago. But the point ignores the obvious, that the places with the worst gun violence are likely to pass the strictest gun laws in response. We should expect that most if not all the places with the most gun laws violence have the most restrictive gun laws, or will soon.

The Chicago example also ignores the fact we have no way of knowing how much more gun violence would have occurred without the current laws in place.

The post The Dumbest Arguments about Gun Control appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 649 Scott Adams: Debra Messing, Straight Pride Parade and Some Other Things

Content: 

  • Straight Pride Parade and AOC’s tweet mocking their sexual identity
  • Debra Messing’s support for blacklisting people with different opinions
  • My honest opinion on gun control is the ONLY honest opinion
    • Are mass shootings really just fancy suicides?
    • In some situations…MORE guns makes people safer? Test it
  • Storm reporters offering situation updates for Dorian
  • Disney’s Castaway Cay island employees riding out Dorian
  • Viewer questions
    • Diet, vaping, virtual reality sickness, Beto’s IQ, AOC

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 649 Scott Adams: Debra Messing, Straight Pride Parade and Some Other Things appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

The World’s First Opinion on Gun Ownership

You might find this hard to believe, but I’m about to give you the first opinion you have ever heard on the topic of gun ownership in the United States.

What? You say lots of people have opinions on that topic?

No, they don’t. Everyone in the United States except me has a half-pinion on the topic. I have the only full opinion. Here it is:

My opinion: I am willing to accept up to 20,000 gun deaths per year in the United States in order to preserve the 2nd Amendment right to own firearms.

For reference, the current rate of gun deaths is about double that number. In other words, I would be open to testing some gun ownership restrictions to see if we can get the number of gun deaths down.

A full opinion on any topic considers both the benefits and the costs. A half-pinion looks at only the costs or only the benefits in isolation. Ask yourself who else, besides me, has offered a full opinion on the topic of gun ownership. Answer: No one. You just saw the world’s first opinion on the topic.

 

So let’s stop pretending we have differences of opinion on gun ownership. What we have is exactly one citizen of the United States who has one opinion. Until someone disagrees with me with a full opinion of their own, there is no real debate, just blathering half-pinions.

 

 

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 647 Scott Adams: #FentanylChina Doing too Little, Outrage Theatre, Biden’s Brain

Content: 

  • China claims they’re making progress on Fentanyl shipments
  • Biden…what will it take for his friends & family to intervene?
  • Kamala…the “least flawed” Democrat candidate
  • Eric McCormack…NOT part of the smart-crowd
  • President Trump’s personal assistant…and alcohol
  • Outrage Theatre: Outrage on behalf of other people
    • Sofia Vergara took some photos…AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
  • Dave Chappelle’s Sticks & Stones special is a MASTERPIECE
    • His comedy took a run at reality…hilariously
  • Audience Questions:
    • Memory tricks, musics influence, stage hypnosis, teeth whitening, heroin addiction, forgiveness and revenge, Overspending

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The post Episode 647 Scott Adams: #FentanylChina Doing too Little, Outrage Theatre, Biden’s Brain appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Ten Things Engineering School Didn’t Teach You

1. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.

2. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.

3. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.

4. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.

5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.

6. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?

7. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.

8. Always try to fix the hardware with software.

9. If you like junk food, caffeine, and all-nighters, go into software.

10. Dilbert is not a comic strip; it’s a documentary.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 646 Scott Adams: Talking About Racists, Biden, Warren, Bernie, The Brain of America, Mattis



Content: 

  • Whiteboard1: America’s Brain
    • The internet has become the brain of humanity
  • Whiteboard2: Democrat Candidates
    • Biden, Bernie, Warren, Kamala
    • Who will emerge as Democrat candidate…and why

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 646 Scott Adams: Talking About Racists, Biden, Warren, Bernie, The Brain of America, Mattis appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Non-Renewable Resource

The congregation of a small stone church decided that the stone which formed the step up to the front door had become too worn by its years of use,
and would have to be replaced. Unfortunately, there were hardly any funds available for the replacement. Then someone came up with the bright idea
that the replacement could be postponed for many years by simply turning the block of stone over.

They discovered that their great-grandparents had beaten them to it.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Episode 645 Scott Adams: Talking About Politics, AI, and Brain Hacking


Content: 

  • Mexican military clashes with illegals at Mexico’s southern border
    • Does Mexico need a…WALL on their southern border?
    • Would it cost Mexico LESS in the long-run to build…a wall?
  • Democrat candidates review…how they’re doing, what to expect
  • If Biden drops out…
    • …who will absorb his African-American supporters?
  • James Mattis new book’s criticism of  President Trump
  • Lawrence O’Donnell’s report and retraction, Maddow’s reaction
  • Elon Musk, Jack Ma debate AI potential
  • Software developer pushback against the Simulation Theory
    • Creative people vs software developer mindsets
  • Is the universe old enough to justify the theory of evolution?
  • Computers will never have “souls”…people don’t have them either
  • Whiteboard Talk: Mental Hacks
    • ReProgramming your own brain
    • EASY personal preference modification

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Night Watchman

A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the
night shift workers passed through his gate, it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.

Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper came through his gate. Aha, he thought,
that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was
acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.

“I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away.”

The guard let him pass, but he decided to keep a close eye on him. The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went
on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard’s checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing.

Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to his supervisor.
He walked into the supervisor’s office and before he could say a word, the boss said, “You’re fired!”

“Fired?” he asked in total surprise. “Why? What did I do?”

“It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant, and you have failed. So you’re fired.”

“Wait a minute — what do you mean failed? Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard.”

“Oh, really,” the boss answered. “Then how do you account for the fact that there are 365 wheelbarrows missing?”

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.
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Episode 644 Scott Adams: The Happiness Formula


Content: 

  • The Happiness Formula: A Scott Adams whiteboard talk

Link to Amazon: How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big


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Scott Adam’s Blog

The Town was So Small …

The City Jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.

Main Street – one block long – dead ends in both directions.

McDonald’s only has one Golden Arch.

The phone book has only one page.

The 7-11 is a 3&1/2 – 5&1/2.

The New Year’s baby was born in October.

The ZIP code is a fraction.

The city limit signs are both on the same post.

Second Street is in the next town over.

There’s no place to go that you shouldn’t.

A “Night on the Town” takes only 11 minutes.

The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog.

Received from William Brabant.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 642 Scott Adams: Nuking Hurricanes, Biden’s Brain, Yang’s Nuclear Energy Proposal, Chappelle

Content: 

  • Is ALL mental illness curable with the correct medication?
    • Boosting serotonin and dopamine via natural means
  • Dave Chappelle’s new Netflix special is REALLY funny
  • Greenland’s unpaid NATO debt to US…and Greenland
    • “Leasing” Greenland, or purchase in exchange for protection?
  • Beto challenged about pushing the “Fine People” HOAX
    • Beto’s weasel-politician response
  • Biden says he isn’t going nuts
    • Is it nuts to say that, or something else?
  • Is hurricane nuking CRAZY?  Maybe, maybe not
  • Andrew Yang embraces SAFE nuclear power as part of his solution
    • Is he the only serious climate change candidate?
  • Amazon fires HOAX
    • Rampant misinformation, misconceptions
    • Fake photos, fake degree of severity
  • Israel just thwarted a DRONE SWARM attack
    • Drone swarms may end public events if one succeeds
  • QUESTION every single claim from BOTH sides of climate change

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The post Episode 642 Scott Adams: Nuking Hurricanes, Biden’s Brain, Yang’s Nuclear Energy Proposal, Chappelle appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

6 Real Horror Movie Scenes That Are Accidental Comedy

By James Kinneen,Tiago Svn,Quinton Darby,Peter I. Santiago  Published: August 26th, 2019 


Cracked: All Posts

Huge Sofa

Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look.
But when they saw how enormous it was, they’d leave.

Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. “This I’ve got to see,” I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down,
and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 641 Scott Adams: How to Beat Warren, China Fentanyl, G7, Homes for Low Income People, #HOAX5

Content: 

  • China is NOT a country other countries can trust in business
    • 23 tons on Chinese Fentanyl busted on way to America
    • What was the intent for that much poison?
  • NYT planned to spin EVERYTHING as racist for the next year
    • #HOAX5
  • Low cost concrete homes have a MAJOR concept flaw
  • WhenHub’s exciting new features
    1. Callers can now suggest a time for expert availability
    2. “Interface Pro” allows organizations to provide experts
  • Elizabeth Warren the weak campaigner…is a learning machine
    • Dump the “Granny glasses” and she’ll jump 5% in polls
  • Do NOT vote for Elizabeth Warren if you like your current healthcare
    • Who wants LESS QUALITY care for the currently covered?
  • Healthcare for ALL means WORSE care for the currently covered
  • Almost NOBODY lives their life as if climate change fears are real
    • Yet…EVERYBODY says they have concerns or fears?
  • Kamala Harris campaign performance so far..a “C-“ or a “D”?

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The post Episode 641 Scott Adams: How to Beat Warren, China Fentanyl, G7, Homes for Low Income People, #HOAX5 appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 640 Scott Adams: The Hockey Stick Graph, RBG, Biden Gaffes, The End of Reality

Content: 

  • Brain scanning will SOON be able to pre-determine your decisions
    • At 100% accuracy…what will happen to belief in “free will”?
  • Steve Cortes, CNN contributor…seen him on CNN lately?
    • He dismantled their “Fine People” HOAX, a little TOO good
  • SCOTUS RBG statement about her diagnosis and current condition
    • Interesting choice of words, did the treatment work or not?
  • Joe Biden continues adding gaffe to gaffe
  • Michael Mann’s climate change “Hockey Stick Graph” LOSES in court
    • Tim Ball wins the case because…
    •      …Mann REFUSED to release his data for court confirmation
  • Bill Maher says strong focus on environment and he’ll vote for Trump
    • Bill IS a rare individual, capable of changing his opinion
    • Gen 3 and Gen 4 nuclear power plants can accomplish that
  • Fentanyl MAJOR BUST at Mexico port, it was headed for America
  • CAN we just abandon the China market?
  • Prediction: There will NOT be a China trade deal during Trump Admin
  • Mocking the Outrage Theatre actors
    • People pretending to be outraged on behalf of other people
  • PragerU court case discovery would make Google algorithm’s public 
    • Will Google release the algorithm or settle the case?
  • Sending a child to public school is close to CHILD ABUSE
    • Influence from other kids of really bad stuff in public schools
    • In 30 years…public schools will no longer be a thing

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The post Episode 640 Scott Adams: The Hockey Stick Graph, RBG, Biden Gaffes, The End of Reality appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 639 Scott Adams: China, Kanye, Outrage Theatre, Zombies, Goofy Warren, Google vs PragerU

Content: 

  • ALL Americans have a COMMON ENEMY…Fentanyl China
  • Is our Commander in Chief…able to “order” US out of China?
    • Economically, China IS a “villain”…AND pushing Fentanyl on us
  • PragerU goes to Ninth Circuit Court fighting YouTube’s suppression
    • Will the discovery process make their algorithm available?
  • Elizabeth Warren’s dancing and fitness levels are age-impressive
    • Do WOMEN think she dances “goofy” like men do?
  • Kamala Harris game hasn’t improved over time
    • Elizabeth Warren in contrast…has learned and improved
  • Drug problem + Mental Health Problem = Homeless Zombies
    • The “zombie class” is growing fast
  • Kanye’s TEST dome-shelters, California says tear them down
  • Kanye TRIED, he’s working a good systems approach
    • Build some TEST domes…see how they work out
    • If they work, build more…if not, modify and try again
  • RBG successfully treated for cancer
    • Should lifetime appointments have an upper limit for age?
  • Dilbert Future’s evolution prediction caused years of mob attacks
    • Math genius says evolution math…does NOT work
  • Hybrid-theory challenges theory of evolution 
    • Hybrid theory says hybrids SOMETIMES CAN reproduce
    • Hybrid theory works mathematically, unlike evolution theory

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The post Episode 639 Scott Adams: China, Kanye, Outrage Theatre, Zombies, Goofy Warren, Google vs PragerU appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Flight Delay

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” he explained. “It took us awhile to find a new pilot.”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 638 Scott Adams: Trump’s China Tweet on Overstock CEO

Content: 

*** WARNING *** This video is F-bomb heavy *** WARNING ***

  • Is China using 50,000 American Fentanyl deaths per year…
    • …as a bargaining chip for a trade deal?
  • China said they would take care of the Fentanyl pushers…and didn’t
    • Two problems: China Fentanyl and immigration
    • One solution: Move production to South America
  • President Trump: “Our great American companies are hereby ordered”

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Falling Temperature

WCBS Newsradio880 anchor on how quickly the temperature dropped in NYC Tuesday:

“Someone said, ‘The temperature fell from 90 to 55 so quickly, it was if it saw a state trooper.'”

Received from Milton Freund.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 636 Scott Adams: The Chosen One, The Anti-Semite Competition, Super Volcanoes

Content: 

  • Outrage Theatre Presents:
    • President Trump looked to the Heavens and said WHAT?
  • In his self-loathing heart…does David Frum understand himself?
  • Portland Police Chief, the Babylon Bee, complete satire and reality
  • Helicopter-waiting Q&A sessions and President Trump
  • President Trump’s pro-quality brushback:
    • “It’s only anti-semitic in your head”
  • “Super-Volcano” fears…10% of humanity will die WHEN one blows
    • Should we ONLY pour unlimited funds into climate change?
    • What about pandemics, planet-killing asteroids and volcanos?
  • Bill Pulte gave away a Tesla this morning
    • Giving projects are providing a needed aid direct to the person
  • 74% of NRA donations are from gun manufacturers? Is that correct?

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Wrong Bear

A guy, out hunting in Alaska, accidentally shoots a polar bear. Realizing his mistake, he reports the incident to the local ranger.

A week later, he gets a letter in the mail, telling him that he is being taken to court by the park service. Arriving at court, he explains to the
judge what happened, and the judge comes to a decision.

“As you didn’t kill this protected species intentionally, I don’t intend to send you to prison,” the judge says. “However, it is still a serious error
on your part, and I intend to deal with you by way of a fine, based upon the body weight of the animal.”

“For every one pound of body weight, you will be fined $ 10.” Consulting his records, the judge finds the weight of the bear, as recorded by the park
services, and calls for a calculator. After a minute of two, he calls the hunter to the bench, and gives his judgement; a fine of $ 9,000.

The representative of the park services jumps to his feet, and approaches the judge. “Your Honor,” he says, “With the greatest respect, I believe
you’ve made a mistake in your calculations.”

“We weighed the animal shortly after it was shot, and it weighed a total of 1000 pounds. Surely, based on that measurement, the fine should be
$ 10,000.”

The judge looks at the ranger, and says, “I made a calculation, taking into consideration, the animal’s weight, minus its two front limbs.” Looking
rather confused, the ranger asks, “but why did you not include the front limbs in your calculation?”

“Because,” the judge replies, “Every American has the right to bear arms!”

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 635 Scott Adams: Systems versus Goals, Dual Loyalty Tropes

Content: 

  • Is Joe Biden…the human gaffe machine worsening?
  • Outrage Theatre, the daily media outrage
  • Can a person love both America and the country of their ancestors?
  • My NRA tweet was about the proper people making decisions
    • The NRA is MORE INFORMED on gun topics…than their critics
  • Finding or knowing the “root of a problem”, isn’t required
  • Carpe Donktum’s new meme website https://www.memeworld.com
    • A central location to find memes

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Scrimping and Saving

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for
in 1979.”

“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.

“No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 634 Scott Adams: #AntiRa, Biden Family Gaffing, Polls, Google Manipulation, The Squad

Content: 

  • AntiRa…A group for people who are Anti-Racist
    • If you’re anti-racist, you’re a “natural member” of AntiRa
    • If you’re OPPOSED to AntiRa…you’re obviously a racist
  • CNN guest Angela Rye’s reaction to the word “hijack”
    • The growing list of common words that are now unacceptable
  • Google’s alleged vote-shifting bias
    • Isn’t unintentional political bias…still political bias?
  • Culture differences between upstate NY and California
  • Will Biden destroy Obama’s legacy if he’s the candidate?
  • ”The Squad” is really just AOC
    • Interesting CNN coverage for non-AOC squad members
  • Buttigieg has proven…America doesn’t care if our POTUS is gay
  • “Life Strategy” college degree concept
    • Things that work together for super-productivity
    • How employable would you be with a fully loaded talent stack?

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Very Unimportant Facts, Part 4 (last one)

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Received from Irene A. Mystery.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 633 Scott Adams: The Golden Age of no Real News

Content: 

  • NYT caught plotting to MAKE UP the news and start a race war?
    • John Harwood, Maggie Haberman say…nothing happened?
  • The 4 categories of “news” in today’s world
  • President Trump TOLD us he would be “politically incorrect”
  • Hong Kong is using American imagery in their struggle
    • President Trump’s respect and compliment to President Xi
    • China culture doesn’t believe in “win-win” deals?
  • Juan Williams gets the President Trump treatment
  • The topics where I’m “left of Bernie”
  • Where is Ghislaine Maxwell, what happened at In & Out Burger?

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 632 Scott Adams: HOAX #5

Content: 

  • NYT says it will frame future news as Trump racism
    • Trusted by the left, the NYT is going to promote racism?
  • Things you need to believe, in order to be a Democrat
  • Who won the costumed sporting event in Portland yesterday?
    • Proud Boys vs Antifa
    • NO coverage at all…on CNN or MSNBC
      • People on the left…are NOT hearing key news
  • Bill Maher slams anti-Israel BDS and Democrats for supporting it
    • Bill Maher’s potential conversion to Trump supporter
  • Did President Obama really tell Biden “you don’t have to do this”?
  • Being opposed to Antifa…does NOT mean you support racists
    • Why can’t you be against Antifa and ALSO be against fascists?
  • Reframing in a stupid world
    • Nationalism vs Racism
    • Nationalism by its nature is protective of American citizens
    • Anti-Racists…or AntiRA vs Antifa?
  • If your primary filter for the world is race…you’re a racist

HOAX List

  1. Russian Collusion HOAX
  2. Fine People HOAX
  3. Kavanaugh HOAX
  4. Covington HOAX
  5. Orange Man causes racism, not the fake news

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 631 Scott Adams: Tlaib Grandmother’s Good Luck, NYT Scandal, End of Racism

Content: 

  • NYT admits they had a HOAX business model, and won Pulitzers?
    • The news is “broken”, and nobody is reporting that…
      • …because the news is broken
  • Representative Rashida Tlaib says her election gave hope to WHO?
  • President Trump’s joke about Tlaib’s Grandmother…the only “winner”
  • President Trump’s smart defense strategy
    • Voters are beginning to ask the Democrat leadership…
      1. Why are Democrat inner thoughts…so crazy?
      2. Why are Democrats acting so racist?
  • Google demonetizing me to the point of driving me off YouTube
    • They’re reducing my impact on social media
    • They’re doing the same thing to others

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 631 Scott Adams: Tlaib Grandmother’s Good Luck, NYT Scandal, End of Racism appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Insured Voice

A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: “Two years ago I insured my voice
with Lloyds of London for $ 750,000.”

There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room.

Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, “So what did you do with the money?”

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 630 Scott Adams: Greenland, Omar and Tlaib, Hong Kong, Trump Rhetoric, Don Lemon Drop

Content: 

  • Purchase Greenland…why not? CNN anti-Trumpers react
    • “Big Thinking” concepts and President Trump
  • Stephen Colbert doesn’t know anything about President Trump?
  • Ghislaine Maxwell spotted reading book about CIA operative deaths
  • Why do President Trump’s critics change his words?
    • If his actual words are so bad, why do they alter them?
  • Don Lemon allegation…just two drunk guys in a late-night bar?
  • President Trump accused Tlaib and Omar of racism, smart move?
  • A brain hack to deprogram bigotry via conversation
  • Has Tlaib and Omar’s gender and ethnicity HELPED them achieve?

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The post Episode 630 Scott Adams: Greenland, Omar and Tlaib, Hong Kong, Trump Rhetoric, Don Lemon Drop appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 629 Scott Adams: Epstein, Stock Markets and Trump, Deep Fakes, Simulation Proof, Hong Kong

Content: 

  • Always bet on human incompetence over a complex explanation
  • Kamala Harris…politicizing an active ongoing police event
    • If you can’t solve a problem any other way…”Trump it”
    • Shake the box till the variables produce a potential solution
  • Deep Fakes amazing video of Bill Hader’s face imperceptibly morphing
  • China will NEVER approve a fair trade deal…for cultural reasons
    • So how is a fair deal possible?
    • Thomas Friedman says he’d prefer TPP over trade war
  • Hong Kong situation and the likely outcome
  • Stock market prediction filter for 2020 election results
    • Will elite Democrats intentionally crash the stock market?
    • Is “political selling” happening to intentionally drive it down?
  • “Inverted Yield Curve” and recession fears…why?
  • Bill Clinton portrait at Epstein’s…wearing a blue dress and red shoes?

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I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 629 Scott Adams: Epstein, Stock Markets and Trump, Deep Fakes, Simulation Proof, Hong Kong appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Very Unimportant Facts, Part 3

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

Received from Irene A. Mystery.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Golfer Pacing

/* Sorry for the lapse… John was under the weather, but is back now! */

A nurse noticed a golfer pacing up and down outside the operating room where another golfer who had a golf ball driven down his throat was bring
treated.

“Is he a relative of yours?” she asked.

“No,” said the golfer. “It’s my ball.”

Received from Classic Jokes.
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Episode 628 Scott Adams: Stock Predictions, Don Lemon, Ken Cuccinelli, Epstein, Bernie vs Fake News

Content: 

  • “LoserThink” example1: Obama stock market better than Trump’s
  • “LoserThink” example2: Climate science w/o economics background
  • Flawless high-ground maneuver by Ken Cuccinelli
    • Erin Burnett’s hostile interview vs Ken’s high-ground demeanor
    • You may NEVER see it performed better…must watch
  • LA Times article questions President Trump’s empathy
  • Chris Cillizza says NO bias or content dictated by WaPo
    • That’s a dodge…do you know why? 
  • Life Rule: If 30% of a group will be offended…don’t be a dick
  • Andie Dick severely attacked, lost consciousness, hospitalized
    • Brain damage is forever, it changes people forever
  • BOTH guards fell asleep for hours, then faked the logs?
  • HOAXERS attempt to shift “Fine People” HOAX to something else
  • “LoserThink” example 3: Quin Hillyer article in Washington Examiner
  • THE BATTLE IN PORTLAND: A scheduled Antifa sporting event
    • A televised sporting event in the making
  • Competing stock market indicators
  • China culture requires an unfair deal…or no deal
    • What if we encourage companies…
      • …Leave China, move to South America?
  • Chris Cuomo’s aggressive WORD reaction, and the fact nothing escalated

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 627 Scott Adams: Epstein, Slow Joe, Bernie, Green Card Rules, Cuomo, memzy.com

Content: 

  • Bernie AGREES with Trump…WaPo: unfair, biased reporting 
  • Biden gaffe defense: I’m not “losing it”, I never had it
  • How to achieve a RACIALLY BLIND immigration system
    • A systems approach will work
  • CNN, TDS, mental illness and Ana Navarro
    • “Think past the sale” headlines and fake news
  • Should Trump be allowed to say same things Dems said in past?
  • Illegal voting… “where it counts”
    • Small numbers in key locations CAN and WILL…alter results
    • Options to help ensure vote integrity
  • Andrew Yang’s campaign ending gaffe
  • memzy.com sells persuasive slide deck inserts for key point retention
    • Ref. Carmen Simon, Founder
    • Cognitive Neuroscientist, author: Impossible to Ignore

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I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 626 Scott Adams: Epstein Theories, Bad Media Persuasion, Bad Pattern Recognition, Gun Control

Content: 

  • Massive incompetence is the norm for large organizations
    • Prisons are large organizations…are they an exception?
  • WaPo mass shooting list, journalism or partisan politics persuasion?
  • If you don’t understand the “Bible Code” phenomena…
    • …you don’t understand the reality you live in
  • Coincidences and proof are different things
    • BOTH political parties package coincidences…
      • …for persuasion of the public
  • “Top of Mind” concept and brainwashing
  • President Trump speaks HONESTLY
    • We see his HONEST opinions in his way of speaking
    • Interpretations of his honest opinions…NOT necessarily honest
  • President Trump…TREATS EVERYONE THE SAME
    • Treat President Trump with respectful disagreement, no worries
      • “All” you have to do then, is out-negotiate him
    • Treat the President unfairly or disrespectfully…he hits back
  • You’ll NEVER see a productive gun control debate, here’s why

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 626 Scott Adams: Epstein Theories, Bad Media Persuasion, Bad Pattern Recognition, Gun Control appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 625 Scott Adams: Jeffrey Epstein, Donny Deutsch, NRA

Content: 

  • Donnie Deutsch continues to fan red-hot glowing embers…but why?
  • Why wasn’t Epstein on suicide watch?
    • Willful dereliction of duty or Institutional incompetence?
  • State Department policy update…
    • Comparing Israel policy to Nazi policy is anti-semitic
    • Is Donny Deutsch in violation of this policy?
  • Can the NRA self-police ALL gun owners to reduce gun violence?
    • NO NRA member has ever been a mass shooter
    • Could they be incorporated to help ID and reduce danger? 
  • Yang cries on stage, lots of empathy…but a leader who cries in public?
  • “Slow-Joe” as a nickname for Joe Biden
  • Massive consumption of mass shootings in movies, TV, video games…
    • …What influence do they have, for anyone “near the edge”?

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 625 Scott Adams: Jeffrey Epstein, Donny Deutsch, NRA appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 624 Scott Adams: Epstein Taking the Big Dirt-Nap, Word-Thinking, Civil Trade War

Content: 

  • Doesn’t “suicide watch” involve somebody…watching?
  • Is Trump doing good things for America just to irritate Bill Maher? 
    • Bill Maher continues hoping American economy tanks
  • Domestic trade war being pushed HARD by the Democrats
    • A trade war with ourselves, within our country
    • Will it achieve Bill Maher’s recession wishes and hopes?
  • Andrew Yang weasel words, “people view him as racist”
    • Litmus test for Democrat Candidates?
  • Donny Deutsch says support President Trump, you’re a racist
    • Is he intentionally attempting to create a race war?
  • The “Fine People” HOAX is raging again nationally
    • What’s MISSING from this story and all the coverage?
  • Michael Moore is credible on the left and questioning GND
    • Green energy market…is a scam, per Michael Moore?
  • 3 pillars support the Democrat party, and they’re all collapsing
    1. Russian Collusion HOAX
    2. Fine people HOAX
    3. Economic predictions for climate change HOAX

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time.

The post Episode 624 Scott Adams: Epstein Taking the Big Dirt-Nap, Word-Thinking, Civil Trade War appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

The Rules of Bureaucracy

1. Preserve thyself.

2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

3. A penny saved is an oversight.

4. Information deteriorates upward.

5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.

7. For any given large, complex, hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap, wrong answer.

8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

9. To err is human; to shrug is civil service.

10. There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 623 Scott Adams: Biden Campaign Admits its Central Theme is a Lie

Content: 

  • Is Joe Biden aware that he’s misquoting President Trump?
    • Charlottesville transcript CLEARLY shows Joe is wrong
    • Joel Pollack asks Joe if he’s aware of his mistake
  • “Fine People” HOAX, is the alpha HOAX pushed by Dems and MSM
    • How did the MSM cover Joel’s question and the topic?
      • USA Today said…
      • Today Show said…
      • Des Moines Register said…
      • Yahoo News said…
      • Politico said…
      • Biden campaign Communications Director…
        • Well…he just changed the topic
  • Free campaign advise for Kamala Harris
    • 1. Drop the nervous giggle
    • 2. Learn to smile confidently
  • Question for Andrew Yang
    • You support UBI, what’s your position on open borders?

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I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 623 Scott Adams: Biden Campaign Admits its Central Theme is a Lie appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 622 Scott Adams: CNN Totally Owns Tucker Carlson for Going Fishing, Fixing Iran and Urban Blight

Content: 

  • CNN’s slight-of-hand, dirty tricks and narrative creation process
    • Brian Stelter’s contribution to the process
  • Who wrote and who uploaded the El Paso shooter’s manifesto?
  • My offer to DEPROGRAM a white supremacist…if one exists
  • ADL information on gun deaths is NOT what you might think
  • Danny Trejo’s inspirational comments after helping save a baby
  • Bill Pulte’s blight cleanup and Pontiac’s soaring real estate prices
  • Hey Iran…just give us a list, we might want all the same things

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 622 Scott Adams: CNN Totally Owns Tucker Carlson for Going Fishing, Fixing Iran and Urban Blight appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Talking Duck

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, “Hey, you’re a duck!”

“Nothing wrong with your eyesight,” observes the duck.

“Yeah, but I mean — you can TALK!” says the barman.

“I guess your ears are fine, too,” answers the duck. “Now, can I have a beer please?” The barman serves the duck a pint and asks him what he’s doing
in the area. “Oh,” says the duck, “I work as a plasterer on the building site over there. We’ll be here for a couple of weeks, and I’ll be in each
lunchtime for a pint.”

And each day the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunchtime lager. The next week, the circus comes to town on its
annual round. The circus owner comes in for a pint, and the barman tells him about the talking duck. “You should get it into your circus,” he says.
“You could make a lot of bucks out of a talking duck. I’ll speak to him about it.”

The following day, the duck comes in at lunchtime. The barman says, “You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner. He’s
very interested in you.”

“Really?” says the duck.

“Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily.”

“Hang on,” says the duck. “You did say a CIRCUS, didn’t you?”

“That’s right.”

“That’s one of those tent things, isn’t it? With a big pole in the middle?”

“Yeah!”

“That’s canvas, isn’t it?” asks the duck.

“Of course,” replies the barman. “I can get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner’s dead keen.”

The duck looks very puzzled. “What would he want with a plasterer?”

Received from Keith Sullivan.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 621 Scott Adams: The Mental Illness Crisis Turning Democrats into FAKE NEWS ZOMBIES

Content: 

  • Democrats are implementing a trade war against America
    • Financially penalizing Americans for their political beliefs
    • Isn’t that a trade war…Joaquin Castro?
  • MSNBC’s Nicolle Wallace…“misspoke?
    • What’s wrong with Nicolle Wallace?
  • Reza Aslan wants someone “eradicated”?
  • CNN FAKE NEWS Chyron: “Trump Inspired Terrorism”
  • Immigration debate curiosity…
    • NO Democrat has said HOW MUCH immigration is okay
    • NO Democrat has even been ASKED the question
  • Extra people = extra crime
    • How much additional CRIME is acceptable to you?
    • If you can’t put a number on it, you aren’t sincere
    • What impact will your policy have on the country…in 10 years?
  • Has Presidential candidate Andrew Yang told a direct lie yet?
    • Is he the ONLY Democrat candidate who has NOT directly lied?
  • Maybe only 1/3 to 2/3 of all adult humans are capable in today’s world 
    • 1. Mental health issues
    • 2. Addiction issues
    • 3. Mentally incapable of functioning in modern society
  • Blog post link: https://t.co/SVOAjI1Cda
    • How to Determine Who is Hallucinating About Politics

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

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Scott Adam’s Blog

5 Movies That Cast Randoms Off The Street In Major Roles

By E. Reid Ross,Steven Assarian,Ryan Menezes,Peter I. Santiago  Published: August 07th, 2019 


Cracked: All Posts

Episode 620 Scott Adams: Let’s Talk About All The LoserThink About Mass Shootings

Content: 

  • We need a legitimate opinion on gun control…none exist, why?
  • Commercializing tragedy…creates more tragedy
  • Complex situations attributed to a single variable is lying or stupid
  • I grade President Trump’s speech about the shootings…an “F”
  • Mental health issues for both shooters?

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 620 Scott Adams: Let’s Talk About All The LoserThink About Mass Shootings appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

6 Superfans Whose Fandom Crossed The Line Into Madness

By Ivan Farkas,E.M. Caris,Christian Markle,Tee Ngin Rui,Elie Muller  Published: August 06th, 2019 


Cracked: All Posts

Top 10 Signs You’re Over the Hill

1. When you sleep, people worry you’re dead.

2. Your back goes out more than you do.

3. Your best friend is dating someone half his age and isn’t breaking any laws.

4. You wear black socks with sandals.

5. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

6. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

7. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

8. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

9. Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.

10. You forget that you already had your 50th birthday.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Seen on T-Shirts

“I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts — Do You Want Fries With That?”

“Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time”

“That’s It! I’m Calling Grandma!” (seen on an 8 year old)

“Rehab Is for Quitters”

“My Dog Can Lick Anyone”

“All men are idiots, and I married their king”

“Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!”

“He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead”

“Hard work will pay off later. Laziness pays off now!”

“My wild oats have turned into shredded wheat.”

“Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.”

Received from FranCMT2.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 619 Scott Adams: Early Sipping

Content: 

  • Thoughts on recent events

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I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

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Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 618 Scott Adams: Let’s Talk About the Very Bad Day

Content: 

  • Some blame President Trump…for crimes committed by media
    • Media influence enflames people and situations for profit
    • Did the “Fine People” HOAX or others influence shooters?
  • Complicated things aren’t driven by a single variable
  • Media enflaming the public with untrue reporting, for political gain
    • Aren’t they partly responsible for actions of radicalized?
  • Would fair and unbiased reporting…
    • …SAVE LIVES but sacrifice media profit?
    • Would media shareholders accept less profit to save lives?

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 618 Scott Adams: Let’s Talk About the Very Bad Day appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

6 Historical Tragedies That Were Way Worse Than You Thought

By Alex Hanton,Ivan Farkas,Ryan Menezes,Michael Battaglino,W.H. Thomas  Published: August 03rd, 2019 


Cracked: All Posts

Episode 617 Scott Adams: Professional Hypnotist Will Cure Your Trump Derangement Syndrome

Content: 

  • The Don Lemon rule: If you think someone is racist, then they are
  • Crime infested or rodent infested…the Baltimore debate continues
  • Humorless scold Nikki Haley
  • NK short-range missile tests NOT a violation per President Trump
  • A$ AP Rocky is headed home
  • AOC staff head moves on…so what?
  • Are people with TDS aware on some level…that their TDS isn’t real?
    • Does TDS allow people to keep their identity and lifestyle?

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 617 Scott Adams: Professional Hypnotist Will Cure Your Trump Derangement Syndrome appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Episode 616 Scott Adams: Racist Don Lemon, Racist Voters and Trump Derangement Syndrome

Content: 

  • Where are Biden voters going as his numbers drop?
  • Kamala acts like she doesn’t believe she belongs in the Oval Office
    • Her voice and mannerisms project lack of confidence
  • Don Lemon’s interview of Pastor Bill Owens…digging HARD for dirt
  • RDL Don Lemon stating his opinions as facts
    • If Don Lemon BELIEVES something…does that make it a fact?
  • “Nobody wins a trade war”…really? What’s the alternative?
    • In the past, we INTENTIONALLY accepted unfair (to us) deals
    • Is it time to stop propping up other countries at our expense?
  • Inner city problems are a SYSTEMS issue
    • Existing systems prevent money and resources from helping
    • Bill Pulte, is effective because his SYSTEM is effective
  • Most current problems are SYSTEMS and DESIGN problems

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 616 Scott Adams: Racist Don Lemon, Racist Voters and Trump Derangement Syndrome appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

Promotion

The boss called one of his employees into the office. “Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room, one
week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four
short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to
that?”

“Thanks,” said the employee.

“Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?”

“Uuuh … Thanks, Dad?”

Received from Clean-Laffs.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Letter of Rejection of Rejection Letter

Dear [Interviewer’s Name]:

Thank you for your letter of _________.

After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have
had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it
is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [Firm’s Name]’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my
needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

Received from Doc’s Daily Chuckle.
The Good, Clean Funnies List

Episode 615 Scott Adams: Who Won the Debate Last Night, Reagan’s Phone Call, A$AP Rocky

Content: 

  • The tape of President Reagan privately talking to President Nixon
  • Our homes now have devices recording our private conversations
  • Your FUTURE “Thought crimes” are being recorded TODAY
    • Like President Reagan, they may haunt you years, decades later
  • A$ AP Rocky’s offensive lyrics and President Trump’s effort to help him
  • Democrat debate: Review of each candidate’s performance, chances
    • Effective super dirty tricks, poison pill, the Dem platform,
    • Submissive candidates, Obama thrown under the bus,
    • Executive hair, executive voice, confidence, “old man” errors

If you would like my channel to have a wider audience and higher production quality, please donate via my startup (Whenhub.com) at this link: 

I use donations to pay for the daily conversions of the original Periscope videos into Youtube and podcast form, and to improve my production quality and search results over time. 

The post Episode 615 Scott Adams: Who Won the Debate Last Night, Reagan’s Phone Call, A$ AP Rocky appeared first on Scott Adam's Blog.


Scott Adam’s Blog

6 Harmless Things With Insanely Disturbing Origin Stories

By Ryan Menezes,Julia Lange,Tolly Vellis  Published: July 31st, 2019 


Cracked: All Posts