Have You Heard About These Cats?

Have you heard about . . .

– the angry cat? She threw a hissy fit.

– the grumpy cat? He was a sour puss.

– the silent cat? She was the victim of a purr snatcher.

– the psychic cat? He was adopted from the E.S.P.C.A.

– the sensitive cat? She cried over spilt milk.

– the dyslexic cat? He cried, “Woem, weom!”

– the cat who had eight kittens? She was an octopus.

– the cowardly felines? Their names were Scaredy and Fraidy.

– the cat who swallowed a duck? He was a down-in-the-mouth, duck-filled fatty puss.

– the cat who had a hair ball? She couldn’t hack it.

– the cat who was a comedian? His name was Groucho Manx.

– the old cat who became forgetful and stopped making any sounds? She developed a purr-senility disorder.

– the golf-playing cat? Even without a catty he consistently scored fur under purr.

– the adolescent cat? She pleaded with her parents, “Why don’t you let me lead one of my own lives?”

– the cat who liked to lounge around the stereo? He hoped to catch the tweeter for lunch, unless the woofer got him first.

– the cat who got hurt? She whimpered, “Me ow!”

– the cat who was walking the beach on Christmas Eve? He had Sandy Claws.

– the cat who ate some cheese and then sat by a mouse hole? She waited with baited breath.

– the radioactive cat? He had eighteen half-lives.

– the cat who chased a mouse through the screen door? They both strained themselves.

– the cat who robbed McDonald’s and Wendy’s? She was a cat burgerlar.

– the cat named Ben Hur? It used to be called Ben, until it had kittens.

– the cat who caught a bird? He enjoyed a breakfast of shredded tweet.

– the fast cat? She put quicksand in her litter box.

– the cat who tried to find out why his humans forgot to place cat litter in his box? He didn’t have anything to go on.

– the teeny-tiny cat? She drank only condensed milk.

– the cat who loved to bowl? He was an alley cat.

– the cat who married a tree? They had a catalog.

– the cat who climbed the drapes? She had good claws to do it – and she started from scratch.

– the cat with chutzpah? He was a pushy cat.

– the cat who swallowed a bag of coins? There was money in that kitty.

– the obese, ill-tempered, talkative cat? He was a flabby, crabby, gabby tabby.

– the mother cat looking for her straying kittens? Like a poet, she listened for their mews.

– the feline who impeded the iceman’s work? The cat got his tong.

– the baby cat who joined the Red Cross? She wanted to be a first-aid kit.

– the two cats who raced each other to the milk bowl? One beat the other by a lap.

– the kindle of cats named Johann Christian, Wilhelm Friedemann, Johann Sebastian, and Carl Philipp Emanuel? They were all born in a litter

– the man who was afraid of cats? He had catatonia, clawstrophobia, and purranoia.

– the woman who refused to spay and neuter her cats? She was arrested for kitty littering.

– the man who saw a sign at a pet store that said “Free Cats”? So he went in and did.

– the unemployed cat burglar from Nepal? What else can a Katmandu? (By Richard Lederer)

From “A Treasury for CAT LOVERS” by Richard Lederer (C) 2009 Howard Books

Received from Richard Lederer via Stan Kegel.
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That’s What I Heard – Robert Cray

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You’ve Probably Heard This Sex Advice Before — But Here’s Why You Should Pay Attention

Couples looking to spice up their sex lives often assume the effort involves some grand overhaul of intimacy and a venture into uncharted territory to have any real impact in the bedroom — not so, says Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus author John Gray. He’s been counseling couples for years in the art of communication and connection, and as he tells “Oprah: Where Are They Now — Extra,” the key to spicing up a sex life is actually a very familiar one.

“Romance spices up a sex life,” he says. And it doesn’t have to be complicated.

“Romance is when the man plans something in advance that’s out of the ordinary, and the woman anticipates that. She’s looking forward to that,” he continues. “It’s one-sided. It’s what he’s going to do for her.”

Gray suggests having a discussion with your partner a week in advance about what this planned event should be. The discussion, he adds, should be a true back-and-forth conversation, not a guessing game in which one person is unclear about what the other is looking for. 

“She’s going to inform him of three things that would really make her happy… His job is to provide that for her,” Gray says. “Then, when they actually do it, her job is to be happy while he provides that. That’s the dance of romance.”

The anticipation in this scenario is what’s truly effective. As the anticipation builds, so does the sense of romance, according to Gray. “At that time, oxytocin is being produced that lowers her stress and increases her romantic feelings,” he explains.

So, Gray continues, make sure that you don’t wait until the last minute when trying to do something “romantic.”

“Most married men wait until the weekend and say to their wives, ‘What would you like to do? I’ll do anything,'” Gray says. “That’s not romantic, and men don’t realize that.”

On that actual date, don’t forget to appreciate each other and resurface the initial spark that brought you together. “You know, when you were dating a guy, no matter what happened, you were happy just to be with him,” Gray says. “You’ve got to find that part of you and be happy no matter what, because he’s doing his best.”

This visible happiness is what helps one romantic gesture turn into a continual cycle of romance.

“When you’re happy with a man doing his best, next time he’ll do better,” Gray says. “That’s what motivates men. So that’s a secret of creating romance: plan in advance.”

For more from “Oprah: Where Are They Now?”, visit wherearetheynow.buzz.

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Mickey Factz: Drake I Heard You Need A Ghostwriter, Hit Me Up (VIDEO)

(AllHipHop News) It seems Aubrey Drake Graham will not be able to shake the ghostwriting tag any time soon. Yet another emcee keeps the story going. This time it was New York City rhymer Mickey Factz.

[ALSO READ: Drake’s Producer Noah “40” Shebib Once Said: You Have No Credibility If Someone Writes Your Raps]

The Y-3 mixtape creator stopped by Sway In The Morning, and he started his visit off by participating in Sway’s5 Fingers of Death.” Factz ended a nearly 11-minute rap with a message for Drake.

“Aubrey, I heard you need a ghostwriter. Hit me up man, if you want some more fire,” spit Mickey.

Later in the interview, Factz talked about connecting with Drake before he reached superstar status. The two rappers teamed with Travis McCoy for the track “Overdose.”

“I was a fan of Drake before he was popular. I would go on his Myspace page, and he had a record up there with Trey Songz and Pusha T,” explained Mickey. “I reached out to him , and said ‘Yo, we need to work.’”

According to Factz, he and Drizzy worked on other music together that did not make it onto So Far Gone. Apparently they lost contact after Drake signed to Lil Wayne’s Young Money.

Mickey stated he’s not bitter about his current career situation. He told Sway he just wants to be mentioned among great lyricists such as Elzhi, Joe Budden, Joell Ortiz, Kxng Crooked, and Rakim.

[ALSO READ: Mickey Factz Releases “Y-3” Mixtape + “Qasa” Video]

Watch Mickey Factz’s interview below.

PHOTOS: Instagram

Filed under: News, Videos Tagged: Drake, ghostwriting, Mickey Factz, sway calloway
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7 Tips For Communicating With Your Teen (So You Might Actually Be Heard)

Effective communication isn’t just a free-for-all and it certainly isn’t a no-holds-barred argument where disrespect from your children is tolerated in an effort to show you’re an enlightened and modern parent. It’s important to set rules, guidelines or boundaries for these interactions with your kids. My father’s cornerstone rule was that I could talk until I was blue in the face as long as I didn’t get disrespectful.

Just as my father policed my tone and attitude, you have to police your tone and attitude. You won’t always get the response you want while trying to communicate with your children, but you must discipline yourself to keep trying to get your message through in the right way. Older kids are often self-conscious around adults, so they may appear to be inattentive or disinterested. Don’t be intimidated or angered by eye rolling and heavy sighs. If the child sits there and refuses to engage, that doesn’t mean her ears aren’t working. You’d be surprised how your words will be played back in her mind later.

What To Do When Your Kids Roll Their Eyes At You 

Often, teens just don’t want to admit that their parents might be making sense. But they still listen. Sometimes, you have to take what you can get. Just getting a teenager to stay in one place long enough to receive a message can pay dividends down the road. Here are some guidelines that can be particularly helpful when you’re trying to get through to a child. These suggestions, when followed, have proven to be very effective in drawing children of all ages out of their shells and into an exchange:

1. Approach all communications in a way that protects or enhances your child’s self-esteem, even when you’re in discipline mode. For example, it would be wrong to handle unacceptable academic performance by saying something like, “You’re lazy and irresponsible, and I’m so sick of your not doing what you’re supposed to do.” A better approach might be, “You and I both know you’re capable of doing so much better. As your parent, I’d be cheating you if I allowed you not to use your wonderful mind and intelligence. Let’s find a way that you can perform at a level that you can be proud of.”

2. Narrow the focus of your task-oriented communications as much as possible. Decide in advance what your objective is and don’t allow yourself or your child to jump around to a number of different topics. Hopping around will just create confusion and make it difficult for you to reach a resolution. If you find yourself drifting, simply say something like, “That’s a discussion for another time, but right now, I want us to stay sharply focused on what we came here to discuss.”

How To Have A Successful – And Peaceful – Relationship With Your Teen

3. Use your communications to generate solutions rather than to relive problems. No one can change what’s already happened. Problem-solving communication should be focused on moving beyond what’s happened toward what you want to happen in the future. Be very specific about the behavioral changes or outcomes you expect. An admonishment to do better is not very helpful. Questions that can help you stay solution-oriented include “How can we avoid this occurring in the future?”; “What have we learned, so that we can specifically do something different next time?”; “What would have been a better approach or solution to the situation?”

4. Focus on the issue at hand, and avoid personal attacks and character assassination. Stay focused on the behavior and the consequences of the behaviors, rather than on the child and character traits such as honesty and integrity. Those traits may in fact be extremely important, but it’s better to talk about how behaviors reflect on those traits, rather than questioning whether the child exhibits them. Avoid comments like, “You’re a liar and not trustworthy.” Instead, say things like, “That kind of behavior or choice reflects poorly on your honesty and integrity. If you choose differently, then others will be able to see your good qualities. I really want you to make some different choices in the future. Let’s talk about what those choices might be.”

One Quality That Sets Successful Parents Apart

5. Stay in the here and now. Throwing old behaviors and circumstances in your child’s face is nonproductive and will cause him or her to feel helpless. Focus on the current solution only. If you solve problems in the present, the past will seem increasingly remote and irrelevant.

6. Keep your problem-solving communications and exchanges private. Don’t ever take your child to task in the presence of peers, relatives or siblings, unless they’re directly involved in the situation. Dressing the child down in front of others will cause humiliation, embarrassment and resentment. Even though you may feel that’s not what you’re doing, it might be seen very differently by the child. Take it private and keep it private.

7. Conclude on a positive note. It’s important for your child to feel there’s an opportunity for rehabilitation and that he or she has some formula for success going forward.

Modified excerpt from Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan For Creating a Phenomenal Family by Dr. Phil McGraw (Free Press, 2004).

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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The Surprising Springtime Appeal of Smoky Eyes: Cara Delevingne, Amber Heard, and More

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The first warm days of the year may inspire excitement about the fresh, outdoorsy beauty of soft pink lips and sun-kissed skin—but there’s no question that the after-dark appeal of a steely, smoky gaze is eternal. And judging by Cara Delevingnes smoldering coffee-colored lids at the Burberry show in Los Angeles last night, all it takes to bring high-impact eyes into spring is a freshly scrubbed glow. It’s a principle Constance Jablonski took one step further with flushed peach cheeks and a swipe of gloss that made her rimming of black khol look ethereal. Also in town, Amber Heard took the edge off her shaded charcoal lids by skipping powder in favor of a dewy sheen. Just in time for Saturday night, here are three reasons to sharpen your eye pencils.


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Meet the Biggest Movie Stars on the Planet You May Not Have Heard Of | The Oprah Winfrey Show | OWN

Original airdate: September 28, 2009

They are two of the biggest movie stars on the planet, and yet you probably haven’t heard of them.

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Oprah Winfrey Network is the first and only network named for, and inspired by, a single iconic leader. Oprah Winfrey’s heart and creative instincts inform the brand — and the magnetism of the channel.

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Winfrey provides leadership in programming and attracts superstar talent to join her in primetime, building a global community of like-minded viewers and leading that community to connect on social media and beyond. OWN is a singular destination on cable. Depth with edge. Heart. Star power. Connection. And endless possibilities.

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Azealia Banks Calls Kendrick Lamar Comments “Dumbest Sh*t I’ve Ever Heard A Black Man Say”

Azealia Banks joined the Twitter discussion regarding Kendrick Lamar’s Billboard cover story — particularly statements he made regarding Black people.

Citing that Michael Brown’s death in Ferguson, Mo. was a travesty, Lamar continued “But when we don’t have respect for ourselves, how do we expect them to respect us? It starts from within. Don’t start with just a rally, don’t start from looting — it starts from within.”

The Harlem rapper focused her angst on the aforementioned statement, calling it the “dumbest sh*t I’ve ever heard a black man say.”

Banks has been at the head of multiple racial discussions in the last few weeks, directing public critiques at Iggy Azalea for cultural appropriation, arguing her case on Hot 97 and even engaging in Twitter beef with Action Bronson.

The remainder of the Broke With Exquisite Taste rapper’s commentary about Kendrick can be found after the jump.

Share your thoughts on his words in the comments.

Photo: Instagram

The post Azealia Banks Calls Kendrick Lamar Comments “Dumbest Sh*t I’ve Ever Heard A Black Man Say” appeared first on Hip-Hop Wired.

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